4:44 lyrics
Do I find it so hardWhen I know in my heartI’m letting you down every dayLetting you down every dayWhy do I keep on running away?
Look, I apologize, often womanizeTook for my child to be born, see through a woman’s eyesTook for these natural twins to believe in miraclesTook me too long for this song, I don’t deserve youI harassed you out in Paris“Please come back to Rome, ” you make it home
We talked for hours when you were on tour“Please pick up the phone, pick up the phone!”I said, “Don’t embarrass me, ” instead of “Be mine”That was my proposal for us to go steadyThat was your 21st birthday
You matured faster than me, I wasn’t ready
So I apologizeI seen the innocence leave your eyesI still mourn this death andI apologize for all the stillborns ’cause I wasn’t presentYour body wouldn’t accept itI apologize to all the women whom I toyed with your emotions‘Cause I was emotionless
And I apologize ’cause at your best you are loveAnd because I fall short of what I say I’m all aboutYour eyes leave with the soul that your body once housedAnd you stare blankly into spaceThinkin’ of all the time, you wasted it on all this basic shitSo I apologize
I’m never gonna treat youI’m never gonna treat you like I shouldOh
I apologize, our love was one for the ages and I contained usAnd all this ratchet shit and we more expansiveNot meant to cry and die alone in these mansionsOr sleep with our back turnedWe supposed to vacay ’til our backs burnWe’re supposed to laugh ’til our heart stopsAnd then meet in a space where the dark stopAnd let love light the way
Like the men before me, I cut off my nose to spite my face
I never wanted another woman to knowSomething about me that you didn’t knowI promised, I cried, I couldn’t holdI suck at love, I think I need a do-overI will be emotionally available if I invited you overI stew over, “What if you over my shit?”
I’m never gonna treat youI’m never gonna treat you like I shouldOh
And if my children knewI don’t even know what I would doIf they ain’t look at me the sameI would prob’ly die with all the shame“You did what with who?”What good is a ménage à trois when you have a soulmate?“You risked that for Blue?”
If I wasn’t a superhero in your faceMy heart breaks for the day I have to explain my mistakesAnd the mask goes awayAnd Santa Claus is fakeAnd you go online and seeFor Blue’s tooth, the tooth fairy didn’t pay
I’m never gonna treat you like I should